my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
