I just found puke in my bra..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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