ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
