In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
