Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
