he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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