Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
