And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
