Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
