dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
