Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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