anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
