well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He better not be in your backpack
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
