Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize