If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
