You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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