she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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