so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
