She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
