How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
