I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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