Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
