bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
