I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
