just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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