soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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