as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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