we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this boner is exhausting
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
