too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize