Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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