In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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