It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
