dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
