He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
