I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
