Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
