my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
