i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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