At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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