They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
