I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
