YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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