i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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