I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
