I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize