I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
