My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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