Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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