so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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