You're so nebulous sometimes
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
