I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
