my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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