We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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