Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
