he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
