I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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