I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
