He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
