i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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