I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
