sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
