when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
