My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
