You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No more Irish car bombs ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
