My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
