Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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