Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Let's get the cat blown out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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