the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your penis caused this!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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