The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
