So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
