his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
